Magnificence

A Lack of Pies

Well, without anything better on the agenda, today I present to you...

The Spoonerism.

Spoonerisms occur when the letters or syllables in a phrase get swapped, either by accident or on purpose, and the results are supposedly hilarious. If you're a big dork, that is. Luckily, I am, so a-spoonerin' we will go!

Examples are:

• Tease my ears (Ease my tears)
  
• It's roaring with pain (It's pouring with rain)
  
• Go and shake a tower (Go and take a shower)
  

Yeah, okay, those were absolutely lame. Anyways, here's a list of ones that aren't completely terrible. I must insist you don't puzzle out the spoonerisms out loud, for it could result in your savage beating by commando nuns. Just sayin', is all.

The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

He fills her soul with hope.

It's the Tale of Two Cities.

Have you brought your sleeping bag?

She is sure pretty.

Have you seen her sick duck?

Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

He's not a pheasant plucker.

She showed me her tool kits.

He's a smart fella.

The Wolf God Howls

Good evening. Tonight, Joel Nielsatore sings for you, and you alone. Now, some Metallica.

Ahem.

DiBuGiBuDow!!!
GiDuBiGuBow!!!
DiBuGiBuDow!!!
YRRRRRAAAAAYYYYUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!

repeated ad nauseum

Thank you.

Gone to the Bad Pun

Interesting developments from glancing at the referral statistics for this site! It appears that someone from my class has found this site by searching for links to the Library Display blog that was mentioned some time ago. Well, ma'am/sir, pull up a chair, enjoy yourselves, and if those were your comments I mocked in that post, then I'll buy you a beer. Not a great beer, but a beer nonetheless.

And now, members of the Super Fun Happy Amazing Hour family as dogs.

Dane
Joel
Cindy
Sammi
Jermey

Coloreria

Oh, those molto wacky Italians! Cha cha cha!

Mike Rules!

Okay, for one of my classes we have to answer reference questions sent in from real students all over North America. Here's the best one so far:




my name is [BALETED] i need a sciencetiest to help me with mike.Mike give's you super power's.And where you live i will give you my adress.Thank you for helping.




... dude, what the fuck? I know a Mike myself, but his only superpower is to get you really stoned.

New song once there's a few more listens to Paul Revere. And it's Dane's theme song, which I know you're all dying to hear!

It's my soup damn it!

I felt I needed to come clean about my love for soup and how I won’t give Joel a single sip.
It goes back to the days of Super Nintendo and Sega Genisis. The good ol’ days where a pop costed a dollar and you didn’t have to go to a website to win a prize.
It was a hot summer day. The air was muggy and all the cool kids in Rocky were gathered in Joel’s townhouse.
Joel, Orlin, Court, Mike and I were playing videogames. It was Street Fighter II and Joel was winning non-stop.
It wasn’t because he was the skilled video guru he thought he was. It was because he found the cheapest guy and did the same moves over and over.
He was Blanka, the green guy from South America. Joel would sit in the corner and put up his electric force field. When he wasn’t doing that, he was zipping across the screen in a ball.
It was a totally impenetrable attack. He won 27 straight matches. It was a record among the town of Rocky. It probably still stands today.
At one point I tried to pry the controller out of his steely hands before his time had come. It didn’t work. My little girly arms just weren’t strong enough. Joel’s hands had countless hours of exercise compressing the a,b,x,y buttons. I never had a chance, but I knew I’d one day get my revenge.
It wasn’t until Orlin did the exact same thing were we able to knock Joel off the top of the podium. The rest of us erupted into cheers for the victorious Orlin.
Joel, on the other hand, sat in disbelief, then went red with fury. He stood straight up and ran to his room. Only sobs could be heard from the other side of the brown, wooden door.
I’ll never forget that day.
To get my revenge, I vowed never to let Joel have any of my soup. It doesn’t matter what kind. Even if Joel was dying of some weird condition and a bowl of my tomato soup would cure him, I wouldn’t give him any.

I Just Want Some Soup!

But Dane refuses to share! Oh well, it's not like it's the first time it's happened. Here's a picture I took when I visited his house 15 years ago:

Just look at that shit-eating grin on his face! And his Dad's like "Abwahahaha! You may not enjoy our soup with us! You have to watch!" I mean, I get invited over just to watch them eat soup and play chess? Man, visiting Dane's house was lame.

The Future

30 YEARS IN THE FUTURE... Dane and Joel meet for lunch...

Ay, b'y, put down yer soup, I wanna jaw atcha fer a bit. Dane, y'ol' fart! Listen a' me!

Aw, shut yer hole, ya slimy bastard, I's eatin'!

Never mind dat now, ya bald dickhead! Remembers dat ol' blog we's a had back in dem days?

Nah! You be shuttin' up now, I's a hungry.

Heh, ya fat asshole. So's yeah, I been t'inkin' about dat dere blog, Super Fun Poopoo Hour er twatever. Started it ta meet chicks, dat dere I did!

Aw yeah, and how'd it goes for ya, eh? Eh?

Yah, keep talkin' like that and I be dousin' ya one, b'y! Leasts of alls you still being a rawny virgin. Hehs, talkin' a me like dat...

Whacha yappin' a' me 'bout now? I's nailed more wool t'en ya find in Wally-Mart, fucknose!

Ya, ya, keep talkin', b'y. Ya keep etin' yer soup, of which ye offered I's not even a dead man's share.

Well, ye not be offerin' me yer fancy overalls either, so shut yer fat lips!

Fine, ya plug-eyed sally! Me overalls for ya soup!

Ah, a finer trade these eyes have never seen...

*swap*

Ah, ya right bastard, dere's only da broth left! Oh, I's gonna douse ya one but good...

Ah, give it yer best try, ye and yer mullet. Now ta fix dem tractors...

Found on a dating site:

I just noticed that a lot of people on here decribe their drinking habits as "socially" . Does this mean only at dinner parties or that you manage to fall down/pass out in a way that's very polite and entertaining to those around you? Or that you like to drink, but not enough to sit at home alone with a bottle of Jack? Help me out here, I want to know if I'm a "social drinker".

Great guns, I think I'm in love.

Display's the Thing

First off, a new song will be broadcasting on Superfuntimey Radio sometime tomorrow for your listening pleasure. Not that it matters, as it seems that none of you are listening to it. I got statistics, you know! So Jermey, thank you for utilizing our new feature. The rest of you are dinks. HOMECHILDREN! Stop by tomorrow, when I will DROP it like it's HOT! Boomshackylacky!

Okay, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Joel, and I'm in the Information Management and Library Technology program at Grant Macewan College in Edmonton, Alberta. Alberta is a province of Canada, which is a member country of North America, and that in turn is a continent of the beautiful planet we call Earth. Earth is a member of the solar system known as... *cough*. Hey, some of you don't know how I am and the rest need continual reminders that I exist, so I figured it'd be best to throw that out there.

Of the noble and esteemed crafts they teach us in our course is the Proud Art of Making Library Displays. Naturally, one of the assignments we have is constructing library displays of our own. I teamed up with my pal Mike to make this:


Breathtaking!

But before you drown me in your kudos - as you're prone to do - I should admit that I didn't lay one finger out to help make the thing, both in the conceptual stages and in the actual construction. Most of my input was to nod at my partner's ideas and say "Yeah, that's cool!" while he thought to himself "Yeah, like I wasn't going to do it anyway, you jackass..." But in return, the bulletin board display we have to make later is going to be entirely my brainchild. I'm not at liberty to discuss the details at this point, but I can let it slip that yes, Batman will be involved in some form.

To make it easier for classmates to offer constructive criticism without getting their faces punched in, our instructor has set up a blog with pictures of the displays. I looked at the comments page for ours and found this waiting:

Anonymous said...
Why not buy fabric with an optical illusion element and use it as the display liner?

This topic had so many possibilities, I was kinda disappointed.

The text is too small, and most of the display is at the base level. No use of the sides.

...

... *cough*

FUCKYOUDIEARRRRRRRGGGGHHH

I can't believe my classmates don't grasp why I'm annoyed by this! I mean, sure, it's not really my display, and my partner isn't perturbed by it in the least, but still! I've tried engaging them in a civilized discussion, but they usually end up screaming "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE GET OUT!!!" while smacking the shit out of me with the nearby toilet brush. Well, since I'm not in the mood to spark some e-drama on a class blog, I'm just going to go offer my sophisticated and articulate rebuttal here.

Why don't YOU buy some fabric with a nice big element of SHUT THE HELL UP?

Great, now I'm all bitchy.

I better post something before Joel comes up with another sexual innuendo

There’s six inches of snow covering the ground, which makes for some interesting winter driving.
I’m all over the road. My little Nissan with her 13-inch tires aren’t much for treading through the snowy weather.

I’ve been a busy guy “slobbering on boxes” for the past couple weeks.

Actually I’ve been kicking back and takin’ it easy. I’m catching up on my movie watching. I fell behind and still have a lot of catching up to do.
In all my movie watching, there’s only two movies I’ve recommended to other people to watch: Saw II and The Island.
Every week five new movies come out at least and there’s nothing that great coming out. Maybe I’m watching the wrong movies. Maybe there’s nothing good being put on the shelves at the two video stores in this town. Maybe I’m an idiot and can’t pick out the crap from the brilliant.
Where’s Joel when you need him? He always knows what’s crap. His movie shelf is filled with crap. Crappity crap crap. Yes Joel, CRAP. Even that alien cartoon I was laughing hysterically at was crap.