Loud, obnoxious and dead.

A flying bodycheck collides with the glass right in front of where I’m standing. The two players fall to the ice. One lets out a groan and is slow to return to his feet.

I click off a couple pictures, and hope they turn out.

Behind me is some yutz yelling for a penalty. Actually he’s been screaming the entire game. It’s really starting to get on my nerves. I have to act.

I pack up my camera and notepad, and head for the washroom.

I pass numerous fans watching the game. They look at me and wonder why I’m leaving.

After trudging all the way across the arena to the washroom. I take off my T-shirt. Underneath is a brown costume with a Dung Beetle on it.

Yes, the average everyday sports reporter can’t handle this. A mighty superhero needs to make an appearance. Dung Beetle Guy must put an end to the obnoxious fan.

I remove all my “average” clothes. I pull on my mask and start making my way back.

All I can think about is pushing this guy against the wall and hearing his bones snap. Seeing his little eyes bug out of his head. Tasting the blood that spurts out of his body and onto my tongue when I’m laughing with delight. The Crimson liquid flowing down my chin, leaving little spatter marks on the floor. His last breath escaping from his mouth searching for a way to get into heavan.

It’s going to be so great. I pass a kid. His mouth drops in amazement. It’s probably his first time seeing a live superhero.

I give his hair a little ruffle. Kids are so cute.

I keep going. People take their eyes off the game for a gander at me and what I’m up to.

Finally after ten minutes of walking around the arena and getting changed, I’m ready to put a stop to the unnecessarily loud fan.

Here it comes.

“Com’on ref! You gotta call that. What’re blind?”

He’s still at it. A smile crosses my lips. I can’t wait. This is going to be great.

“Look at the hooking. Can you not see that? You suck ref!!!”

I walk up to the guy. He still doesn’t see me. He’s too into the game.

I tap him on the shoulder.

“Excuse me sir. Is all your yelling really necessary? It’s offending some of the other parents in the crowd.”

“Oh, I didn’t know I was being offensive. I guess I should stop.”

“Yes, that would be nice. Thank you very much for your cooperation.”

“No thank you for letting me know I was getting out of hand. If you didn’t come along and say something, I would have kept it up for the rest of my life.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I’m trying to make the world a better place, one person at a time. Have a good day and enjoy the rest of the game.”

“You too.”

I start the long march back to the bathroom. I think about how pleasant that guy was. He was super nice. I hope I wasn’t too rough on him. He really didn’t deserve me almost raising my voice at him.

I get to the washroom. I toss my T-shirt back on. It has Calvin and Hobbs on the front.

I slip into my cargo paints, grab my camera bag and head back to my seat to take pictures.

The cute kid doesn’t even blink when I pass him by. He doesn’t notice that Dane Lutz sports reporter is one in the same with Dung Beetle guy.

The guy is smiling. “That was a good call ref. You’re really doing a good job. Nice shift Timmy. You didn’t score that time, but next time it’s going in.”

I look up at him. He gives me a smile in return. Another person changed. Only six billion and change to go.