Now You're A Man!

Exciting news! We're excited beyond belief to bring you the next exciting chapter of Super Fun Happy Amazing Hour!!! In Crisis! Are you excited?

Need a refresher on what's going on? Scroll down a few posts, numb-nuts.

Could you repeat what you just said?

If I can remember correctly, I believe I said, "I'm here to destroy Ross and reclaim my rightful place on this blog!".

Could you say it again? I still don't think I heard you correctly.

Fool! You cannot delay the inevitable! I will crush you underneath my boot heel and defecate on your remains!

Why are you talking like that?

Oh, the spirits I negotiated my rebirth with said it was necessary. Goes with the whole "avenging angel" thing.

I see. Well, I'm going to go take a shit. Have fun.

No one can save you now, Ross! Is there any particular way you like to be eviscerated?

You don't have to kill me! Look, I'm leaving; the blog is yours!

Oh no, the spirits were really quite specific in explaining that I had to destroy you. Otherwise, when I die again, I'll be bunkin' with Tiny Tim. Seriously, that's a hell worse than... hell. SO PREPARE YOURSELF TO DIE!

Hey Joel, can I collect my boyfriend's carcass now?

Famira! Nope, didn't wanna kill Dane. I actually came back to destroy Ross, if you can believe it.

Good lord, that's one big frickin' axe! Uh... help?

Let me guess. When you were brought back they - they being God, Allah, Buddah, what the fuck ever - said that you had to destroy Ross or face the consequences. Well, have you thought about something else besides, you know, killing him? Maybe you can destroy him at math.

That's an excellent idea! Very, very good! I love you, Famira! Ha ha!

Don't touch me.

Sorry.

Hmmmm. You know, you may have a good point there. Ross, you're the destroyee; pick the contest.

Roshambo! Roshambo! I get to go first!

Uh... if you want to, I guess?



WHAT THE FUCK?

You said you wanted to go first!

THAT MEANS I GET FIRST CRACK, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!

Oh. Hmmm. I'm sorry?

Well, that was a disqualification. Ross, you get to pick the next contest.

BLAAAAARGH

Where's the mop? Ross just puked.

Summoner... battle... that's my choice.

Summoner battle it is. Joel, you know what to do.

Dark spirits, heed my call! I summon forth a hideous beast so terrifying and powerful I will crush my enemy with ease!



Not what I expected...

My turn. Mega Mecha Stalinus Prime, ENERGIZE!



Now you're playing with power, indeed!

Stop spanking yourself, you stupid beast! Go kick that communist robot's ass! Oh, for pete's sakes.

Mega Mecha Stalinus Prime! Attack that sado-masochistic... fuck this, go stomp on Joel.

AAAAAGH!

Ooookay. I guess that's another disqualification. Joel, you get to pick the next contest. Joel?

AAAAAGH!

Ross, call off your damn robot, please? Joel, we're waiting.

A contest, eh? I challenge Ross to a spelling bee!

What? That's not fair, you stupid prick!

Pffft! Whatever. First word, Famira?

I refuse! This is retarded!

Oh, screw this. See you guys later. Well, at least you, Joel.

Way to go, Ross. Now I guess I'm gonna have to kill ya.

Eeeeep.

Hello! I've been watching you fight and I think I may have an idea.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Cindy-Lou!

Who?

Yep, that's me!

Hold on a sec. Where the hell is Dane? Dane! Are you re-grouting in there or something? Hurry up!

Hey, fuck you!

Ummm... anyway, here's my idea. There's someone you can turn to in situations like this. He'll help you decide. Here, I'll call him in for you. You can come in, now!


Bow down before me, puny mortals!

Jeff Probst?!

[rubs eyes] Damn, this is messed up.

Oh my, wasn't that exciting? The second exciting chapter is now complete! Can you contain your excitement until next time?