A letter to my Ethiopian penpal

Dear Gedeyo,

What’s going on buddy? How’s life in the village?

I just saw the movie "The Village" by the same guy who directed "Sixth Sense." Was it ever good. Can you leave your village? Or do you get eaten by some sort of monster? Your body savagely ripped apart, blood and intestines spilling everywhere. Yuck! That’d be gross.

You better hope no monsters chase you because I doubt your little twig legs could carry you very far. You’d be gobbled up in no time. Survival of the fittest I guess.

What did I do this week? You ask. Well....

Last Tuesday, I had a tasty Big Mac. Two all beef patties, lettuce, onions, pickles, cheese, special sauce (thousand island dressing) all wrapped up in a sesame seed bun. It was great I had sauce dripping down my chin. Yummy. The whole meal only cost $4.27. Sure that could feed you for a week, but really it’s nothing over here.

I sent you one along with this letter. I hope it doesn’t go moldy on the trip over. Oh well, you’d probably eat anything to fill that pot belly of yours. I would have just sent you the $4, but I didn’t think your village had a McDonald’s.

I hung out with my buddy Joel. You wouldn’t like him. He keeps making jokes about skinny people. For some reason, he laughs whenever he sees those sponsor a child shows on Sunday.

What a bastard. He’s definitely not as nice as I am.

Keep living the good life Gedeyo,
Dane

PS: Can you even read? I know the education system isn’t that great over there. Write me back if you can.