Return of the Mack

He's Mr. Dane

And he's Mr. Ross!

And we guarantee our antics

Will have you at a loss!

...

Dammit! I knew this vaudeville routine was screwed from the start!

Yeah, who would think that was a good idea...

You got something to say, Ross?

I don't know man. The tunes have gone stale, we're all out of beer; I think it's time I...

DANE!

Who the hell is this?!

That's my girlfriend, Famira. What is it, toots?

You know that Mulligan stew I was making for supper?

Fuck, you ran out of Terry David Mulliganagain? What the hell is your problem?

Dear, could you repeat that last statement after I find my pruning shears?

Um... uh... won't be necessary, sweetie.

Whuppah!

Anyway, I was busy making the stew when all of a sudden a grotesque hand shot out from inside the pot. The next thing I knew, a full-grown man had crawled out from the stew! And my God, that's not the worst of it. That... that awful stew-creature looks like Joel!

But I punched his head off. He should be dead.

You're right, he should be. But somehow, he's been reborn again in the stew! You know, I thought I used too much oregano.

Guys, someone's coming!


DANE!
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!

Well, he's here; I guess I should be going.

Where?!

To make arrangements for your funeral, sweetheart.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Watch out, Dane! He's getting ready to attack!

[long pause]

Hey, how's it going?

Back, foul demon! Return to the stew from whence you came; your quest for revenge shall go unfulfilled!

Whoa, Dane! Put down that crowbar! I'm not here to kill you.

You're not?! But I killed you!

Meh. What's a little decapitation among friends?

Uh, I'm confused here? Reborn from stew? Shouldn't you like, rise out of a pool of blood or somethin'?

Pool of blood? Jesus Christ, Ross; this isn't some wacked-out fantasy! Besides, you know how hard it is to find one of those nowadays?

So, you didn't come back to kill me. Then why the hell did you bother coming back, you stupid asshole?

Don't call me an asshole, you goddamn pig-raper!

WHAT?!

Hey there, guys; settle down. There's only way to settle something like this.

A poetry slam?

Swimsuit competition?

No, you assholes, I'm talking about BOXING!

Nope, not fallin' for that one again...

Ahem. Allow me to re-state my previous question in a more civil fashion. Why did you come back?

Because I'm here to destroy Ross and reclaim my rightful place on this blog!

Gulp...

Exciting, wasn't it, folks? Surf in next time for the next exciting chapter!

Uh, who the fuck are you?

I'm the writer.

What the hell are you doing here?

Listen here, peckerhead; don't fuck with me, or I'll do this!

Oh my God, I'm HIDEOUS!!! I'm sorry! Please, change me back!