Lots of grease equals lots of good.

How can anyone order a salad at McDonalds? All that fatty goodness. I’m starting to drool just thinking about it.

The deep-fried chicken. The grilled all-beef patties. the super salty fries.

Is there anything better? Who cares about their health? I think a lifetime of Macdonalds and other fast food is worth a couple of years in an old folks home remembering the good old days.

A salad. All that goodness and some people still choose salads. A fast food salad. I wouldn’t eat those. I’d go home and make a fantastic caesar salad for two bucks. A head of romaine is $1.50. Croutons take about four slices of bread. That’s about 25 cents. The dressing is also cheap. A sprinkle of lemon juice and a little asiago cheese. Mmmm.

That’s the type of salad I’m talking about. Not one of those pieces of crap sitting in a crisper all day for who knows how many days.

MacDonalds has freshness guidelines, but they’re not always followed.

If you want to, a nice chicken breast is a nice addition to the salad. Chicken breasts are quite expensive, so maybe a inside round steak would suffice.
To make the meal a little tastier, a nice white wine helps the lettuce slide down your throat.

Maybe something from Germany. A lot of people say French wine because of romaine and croutons, but I find vino from France too dry.

Well, you know what time it is. It’s a beautiful in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighborhood. Oh would you be mine. Oh would you be...

Screw it. It’s dinner time. I'm going to MacDonalds. Not for one of those salads. I want a supersized double quarter pounder. A side of mayo for my salty, salty fries.