What's up?

No one has started wearing bow ties yet Joel. What's up?

I've failed

So there I was, walking down the street. I was eating some red-rope licorice, damn is that stuff good.

Anyway, I was in my superhero disguise. People are still not used to a crime fighter all dressed up, so I'm getting a lot of name calling. But as every do-gooder knows, that comes with the territory.

Well, I was crunching some leaves undreneath my boots, when I heard a little girl's scream. I looked her little itty-bitty puppy dog ran out into the street. A 1997 Ford trunk was headed right for it.

I sprang into action. I lept infront of the truck and gave it a mighty heave-hoe. The extended cab flipped over.

I had saved the cutest little doggy in the world. Unfortunately the truck squished someone.

I really don't mind too much. The world always needs puppies. One less person doesn't matter too much.

I went to my den of wonderment to ponder the situation and find out what I could have done differently.

My conclusion: If I had to do it all again, I'd make the same choice. Except, I'd try not to kill the person on the steet, and maybe not even the guy in the Ford.

Damn life is tough when you have super powers.

Golly gosh Batman, Joel's been up to something.

Well, well, well. I have a few free moments, so I'll enter another post. Joel's probably getting worried about my well being.

Joel's crisis series is almost over. It only took two months of planning. His devious mind concocted the whole scheme, while he worked away at Rolf's. I heard he freaked a few kids out when he let loose a diabolical chuckle handing out change.

The whole extravaganza started with Sports Ross becoming a team member. Joel needed someone to kill off. He couldn't kill me. I'm just way too powerful. I've been keeping the communist robots in check along with the buddhist sentinels.

Joel pretended to abandon the super fun happy amazing hour site, but was always lurking in the background, waiting, wanting to rejoin.

Then I moved away. He sprung his plan into action. Soon cats were flying all over the page. I've never seen a feline fetish as hardcore as Joel's.

Anyway his plan is coming to an end. His grand conspiracy is almost complete. I can hear his utter joy from here.

Joel's life is almost at its highest point.

Assorted Swear Words

Bad news, everyone! The power cord for my laptop has gone kaput! What does this mean to you? Well, since it had all the graphics I was making for the third installment of Super Fun Happy Amazing Hour!!! In Crisis! that means we'll be experiencing a delay until I go and purchase a new one. Yippee. And perhaps one small part Skippee.

Now You're A Man!

Exciting news! We're excited beyond belief to bring you the next exciting chapter of Super Fun Happy Amazing Hour!!! In Crisis! Are you excited?

Need a refresher on what's going on? Scroll down a few posts, numb-nuts.

Could you repeat what you just said?

If I can remember correctly, I believe I said, "I'm here to destroy Ross and reclaim my rightful place on this blog!".

Could you say it again? I still don't think I heard you correctly.

Fool! You cannot delay the inevitable! I will crush you underneath my boot heel and defecate on your remains!

Why are you talking like that?

Oh, the spirits I negotiated my rebirth with said it was necessary. Goes with the whole "avenging angel" thing.

I see. Well, I'm going to go take a shit. Have fun.

No one can save you now, Ross! Is there any particular way you like to be eviscerated?

You don't have to kill me! Look, I'm leaving; the blog is yours!

Oh no, the spirits were really quite specific in explaining that I had to destroy you. Otherwise, when I die again, I'll be bunkin' with Tiny Tim. Seriously, that's a hell worse than... hell. SO PREPARE YOURSELF TO DIE!

Hey Joel, can I collect my boyfriend's carcass now?

Famira! Nope, didn't wanna kill Dane. I actually came back to destroy Ross, if you can believe it.

Good lord, that's one big frickin' axe! Uh... help?

Let me guess. When you were brought back they - they being God, Allah, Buddah, what the fuck ever - said that you had to destroy Ross or face the consequences. Well, have you thought about something else besides, you know, killing him? Maybe you can destroy him at math.

That's an excellent idea! Very, very good! I love you, Famira! Ha ha!

Don't touch me.

Sorry.

Hmmmm. You know, you may have a good point there. Ross, you're the destroyee; pick the contest.

Roshambo! Roshambo! I get to go first!

Uh... if you want to, I guess?



WHAT THE FUCK?

You said you wanted to go first!

THAT MEANS I GET FIRST CRACK, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!

Oh. Hmmm. I'm sorry?

Well, that was a disqualification. Ross, you get to pick the next contest.

BLAAAAARGH

Where's the mop? Ross just puked.

Summoner... battle... that's my choice.

Summoner battle it is. Joel, you know what to do.

Dark spirits, heed my call! I summon forth a hideous beast so terrifying and powerful I will crush my enemy with ease!



Not what I expected...

My turn. Mega Mecha Stalinus Prime, ENERGIZE!



Now you're playing with power, indeed!

Stop spanking yourself, you stupid beast! Go kick that communist robot's ass! Oh, for pete's sakes.

Mega Mecha Stalinus Prime! Attack that sado-masochistic... fuck this, go stomp on Joel.

AAAAAGH!

Ooookay. I guess that's another disqualification. Joel, you get to pick the next contest. Joel?

AAAAAGH!

Ross, call off your damn robot, please? Joel, we're waiting.

A contest, eh? I challenge Ross to a spelling bee!

What? That's not fair, you stupid prick!

Pffft! Whatever. First word, Famira?

I refuse! This is retarded!

Oh, screw this. See you guys later. Well, at least you, Joel.

Way to go, Ross. Now I guess I'm gonna have to kill ya.

Eeeeep.

Hello! I've been watching you fight and I think I may have an idea.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Cindy-Lou!

Who?

Yep, that's me!

Hold on a sec. Where the hell is Dane? Dane! Are you re-grouting in there or something? Hurry up!

Hey, fuck you!

Ummm... anyway, here's my idea. There's someone you can turn to in situations like this. He'll help you decide. Here, I'll call him in for you. You can come in, now!


Bow down before me, puny mortals!

Jeff Probst?!

[rubs eyes] Damn, this is messed up.

Oh my, wasn't that exciting? The second exciting chapter is now complete! Can you contain your excitement until next time?