Affirmative

This is an actual private e-mail exchange between me and my accountant friend Dane. Make sure you tell no one of the delicious secrets contained within, for neither of us wish to have the upsetting of the delicate balance between the world superpowers caused by our foolish hands. Thank you, and please stay seated afterwards for punch and pie.

From: Joel Nielsen [mailto:atriot44@heatedmale.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 17, 2008 3:19 PM
To: Dane Lutz
Subject: Affirmative

You should watch Flight of the Conchords, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Because it's business time. That's a reference from the show, but you haven't seen it so I guess you wouldn't get it. Still, it's pretty funny if you had seen the show. So just pretend that you did and then maybe we'll all get something out of this. Come on, work with me here.

So if we're going to go see the Flaming Lips, should we make up a Bad Days sign to wave about? (P.S. Bad Days is a song by the Flaming Lips from the Batman Forever soundtrack. It was also Dane's favorite song circa 1995)All it would take is a marker and some neon poster boards. And I bet they've never seen that at one of their concerts. They're all like, "That song? That was from Batman Forever. Nobody likes that song except Batman fans." Then you would flip out because you're actually a Superman fan. I guess it wouldn't be cool then. I'd have to engage you in mortal combat -- again -- so the medics could shoot you with horse tranquilizer. It would be a pretty memorable concert though. I think they could even mention it on a DVD interview some time.

When I was going out to my vehicle at lunch today, there was a group of teenagers from the nearby school parked in one of the spaces hanging out. At first I was kind of pissed, all like, "Who do these kids think they are? What a bunch of jerks!" Then I realized that they were hanging out in a library office's parking lot. That's not very cool. Who knows, I guess the parking spaces in front of the accountant's office were all full. That's where all the magic happens. And the 3-card monte. Damn shyster accountants, always fooling me out of a buck.

Cataloguing books about talking to babies,

Joel


Subject: RE: Affirmative
Date: Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:23:08 -0600
From: dlutz@studaccountant.com
To: atriot44@heatedmale.com

You are wrong!!! I saw the Business Time video. I am an informed individual. Other than that though, I haven’t seen anything else by them. I guess I’ll have to boycott them since they are so funny and it wasn’t I that discovered them. I’ll have to put on my stubborn cap and cape and be the only guy out of the loop.

I’d do anything to get mentioned in a DVD interview. Maybe, it’d be captured on film and placed on Youtube. We’d be famous. They’d make a reality show about us called Librarian and Accountant. Of course, we’d have to get real life actors to play us. David Spade for me and David Cross for you. If Spade turned the role down, I’d be okay with David Foley. I don’t know any other daves, so Cross has to accept the role of Joel. The lead singer from Foo Fighters isn’t a very good actor.

I’m surprised you didn’t sit down with the teenagers and told them some “back in the day stories.” Or were you too busy getting the broom out of the trunk of your car and chasing them all away?

Back in my day we didn’t hang out in parking lots. We were too busy studying our EGMs, trading fatalities and sharing secrets about FF3. Damn were we cool and we still are.

dane