Fit for a Dog

I can't express enough the joy that bursts through my heart when Rolf receives new "professional" literature in the store. Be it a convenience store trade magazine or a brochure for new product, there's a lot of snicker-worthy information to be found. For example, did you know that cigarette advertising is still allowed in trade magazines? Gosh, it takes me back to the days when magazines were chocked full of ads urging us to "take a ride on the flavour express!" Or that we'd be as awesome as a camel dressed in Armani hangin' at a nightclub. Still don't understand that one.

Anyways, a brochure for new food service equipment arrived yesterday. Let's see what we can find!

Rotisseries!!!

"No other single home meal replacement entree has caught on and stayed on quite like rotisserie-roasted chicken." Can't argue with that! "Load after load of tender, golden roasted birds basting in their own juices as turn slowly past the customers' eyes..."

Oh, and did you know that 45% of females state that chicken is their favorite meat? No word on what men think. Although I can probably figure out what men would say is the favorite meat of the other 55% of females. Not me though. I'm not that crude. I like to keep things classy. Sometimes.

Shakes!!!

Here's a happy quote from a satisfied customer.

"We also added a Taylor 5454 automatic shake machine. it has maintained the quality and consistency of our shakes over the years. Our staff loves the machine because it speeds up service and shakes are so easy to make."

Guess what, poindexter? No, they don't! They hate the goddamn stupid thing and they think you're a hemmerhoid-laced asshole for bringing it in in the first place! All dairy machines are a TREMENDOUS pain in the ass to maintain. Although to be perfectly honest, there probably isn't an ounce of dairy in milkshakes. Whatever, all those pressurized freezing machines that use milk protein are a pain in the ass to maintain.

Slush!!!

Yeah, it's a mixture of syrup, CO2, and water. Also, ask about their Slush Xtreme Cream!

Sigh...