Piece of Mind

So yesterday, after I had finished writing my controversial piece on Vampirates -- relatively controversial, at least -- I left to go grab some lunch. Imagine my surprise when I approached my vehicle and found a single piece of Reese's Pieces (or would that just be a Reese's Piece?) resting comfortably on the door handle. Since rudimentary physics dictate the impossibility of the Reese's Piece being tossed blindly and ending up in that location, the only obvious answer to the question of how the candy ended up on my door handle would be that it was placed there by somebody walking on the trail a few metres from my car.

But who would it would have been? I think it was E.T., myself. You know, he was stopping by for a visit, maybe pick up a few more roses for his garden, and he thought, hell, let's indulge in some of my old vices for old times sake! So, he downed a couple of brews, started smoking a few cigars, and happened to be waddling by my car.

What the hell was that kid's name from the movie? The one who rolled with E.T. and developed an empathic connection with him? Elliot? Yeah, that guy woke up in whatever alleyway he's sleeping in and started boxing the air, pissing all over himself, and bawling while shouting "DREW BARRYMORE!" Of course, that's his normal behavior so nobody raised an eyebrow.

Back to E.T! Clearly, he was falling down drunk by this point so he was all "PHOOOOOOOONNNEEE HOOOOOOOOOMEEE" and did a drunken tumble into the passenger door of my car. Feeling bad about this, he used that glowing finger thing he did to fix the dent and left a Reese's Piece on the handle.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

At least it wasn't this guy:


I remember seeing this ad in my comic books as a kid and wondering who the hell this asshole was and what they had done with E.T.