Apples and Oranges

Note: Last names of people mentioned have been removed. This is just one of the many details you're missing when you read the post here instead of on the Facebook feed!

A peculiar source of fascination for me is the Compare People application on Facebook. You know, that thing were it shows you two people on your friends list, asks you "Who is more ____?" and you have to be all cold-hearted and judgemental and pick one. Like most applications on Facebook, I was reticent to add it at first, but after all the things the application has told me over the past few months, I'm pretty glad I did. I just can't get enough of those random updates they send to my e-mail. I'm sick of everything else Facebook punts in my direction, but damn if these Compare People updates ain't entertaining.

Like, did you know that I was voted smarter than "Amy"? I don't know who Amy is, but still, it's pretty cool that I'm smarter than her. It could pay off too. I could totally go on Jeopardy in the future and if she's one of the other contestants, I'd know right away that I wouldn't be in last place. I'd just have fun with it, then. Maybe do some of that Sean Connery on Jeopardy stuff they had on Saturday Night Live. Except I would say boobies, not titties. I'm a high class kind of guy.

Also, I'm more famous than "Amber". I have no idea who Amber is either, so I'd say I have to agree with that assessment. That's another thing that could pay off. I could be waiting in line to get into a club and she would walk up to the front and say, "I'm Amber! Let me in!" and I'd be all, "Wait! I'm more famous than her, so I should get in first! Facebook even says so!" and the bouncer would have to agree. I'd still have to wait in line and everything, but at least Amber wouldn't be cutting in front of me.

Every so often the Compare People application will send you a list of your hottest single friends. A friend of mine recently sent me his list and I was on the top of the Most Desirable to Date chart with 25 points. Hell yeah! Then I looked at my list and the top guy on there has 60 points. That's a world of difference. Here's the list that I got:

1. Eric (60 points)
2. Calan (53 points)
3. Duane (27 points)
4. Roger (16 points)
5. Peter (12 points)

The last time I looked I had more points than Duane, too. That's it, Duane's going down. On a woman, because apparently he's more desirable to date than I am.

Yours sincerely,

Joel