Vampirates

I like to think of myself as a level-headed individual. Anytime something stressful or intense comes up, I tend to step back from the proceedings and approach the situation logically and rationally. Sage advice, I know! But there are times when I'll see something so soul-wrenching, so nerve-flaying, that even those timeless tips are impotent:


I tell you what, I almost kicked my cubicle walls over, hurled my computer into the row of desks beside me, and smashed through the window in a furious leap after I saw this. Goddamn vampires! You know, not every combination works out as great as a Reese Peanut Butter cup. I wasn't watching Pirates of the Caribbean and thinking, "Wow, it'd be great if some metrosexual douchebag came on the boat and started angstfully out-brooding Will Turner!"

Also, like every idea that turns on clever wordplay, it's been done to death already. Let's see what we have:

A play! It's even heartily endorsed by a troupe member of Cirque du Soleil! Then again, I think even I've been endorsed by one of them at this point, so that doesn't give much cachet.

A webcomic! A manga-style affair with hints of yaoi. Why am I not surprised.

Even a movie! Well, a proposed movie anyway. The last date listed in the news and rumours section is in 1998, and that's when they were approaching Emilio Estevez. Why the hell did he turn a gem like this down? Frankly, Vampirates would be a step up for him at this point.

I guess it's only a matter of time until we see Vampeon, Vampress Secretary, and Vampretzel Vendor. Then every year they'll get together to participate in the Calgary Vampede.

I have to give myself a preemptive Boo for that one...