Brain freeze

The last 15 minutes were hell. It was supposed to be a routine slurpee run. It wasn’t the line was eight people long and all the flavours were working.
Twelve different flavours of fantastic, frozen goodness. There were too many possible combinations. It was just too much for my little brain.
My neurons were firing at an accelerated rate. I couldn’t handle it. I started getting dizzy.
I braced myself on the slurpee machine and focused with all my might.
It was then I hallucinated a slush fairy that made the decision for me. Dr. Pepper on the bottom with an orange crush top. A simple classic.
Then I had to go wait in line for 10 whole minutes. My slush was melting. For some reason, possibly all the beatings I took as a kid, I never eat or drink anything until it’s paid for.
The longer I waited, the more furious I got. Unlike the Incredible Hulk, who turns into a giant green monster when he gets pissed off, I am the same sissy all the time. There was nothing I could do to speed the line along.
The whole ordeal is over now. I’m back at work trapped in my cubicle sipping away on a slush. Would this ever be good with rum. MMmmmm, rum.
Life is good.



Joel’s disappearance from the blog is easily explained. He has discovered masturbation.
As I right this, he’s locked himself in his bedroom and only the squeaking of a bed can be heard. He’s going on 9 hours, very good start, but no where near my 32-hour personal best.

I’m sure once Joel cleans himself up with a couple of tissues. I’ll feel his wrath. Probably in some form of dance.

I use vaaaaseline

The best part of quitting a job is counting down the days until the end.
Let’s see, if today is the eighth and I’m done on the 25th, I have 17 more days to go. That works out to six more editions of the paper.
It was three hours after I gave my notice at work that I received the first call to see if it was true. Word spreads quick around the office. Damn gossip queens.

Friday, May 5
I had a job interview at the University of Saskatchewan. A communications position for the fundraising department. There was a fancy title, but I don’t remember quite what it was.
There was four people, three girls and a guy, sitting around me asking all sorts of questions. I don’t think I got the job, but who knows. Maybe the ladies are just looking for some eye candy around the office. I don’t mind wearing short shorts all year round.

Also on Friday, I bought MLB 2K6. It’s crap. EA sports has a way better baseball game.
Anyone thinking of buying the game, shouldn’t.

I saw the new Flaming Lips video. I bet Joel likes the part with the three fat guys chasing around a guy with burgers taped to his body.
Joel’s idea for a music video was to have a fat guy running chasing a skinny guy.
The Flaming Lips ripped you off.

Believe

You have to support your team!
It drives me wild to hear people shoot down their own team. Aren’t they supposed to be fans?
I’ve heard a few “Flames fans” saying they don’t think Calgary will pull off the victory tonight.
I had to stand up for the Flames and listed off the reasons why they should win.
My loyalties are with the Flames right now. I lived in Calgary for seven years and took a fancy to those flaming Cs.
Unfortunately they went on the longest playoff drought in NHL history while I was there, so I wasn’t around for their glorious playoff run last season.
I’m not sure if it is coincidence or not, but they made the playoffs the year I left. Hmmmm...
Anyway, if they do lose, I’ll go down with the ship. I’ll put up with all the “I told you soes” and crap tomorrow. But I will be standing behind them until the very end.
Of course they’re not going to lose. I get to be the guy shaking my head at all the supposed fans that didn’t think Iginla and his teammates could pull off the game seven victory.
And they’re going to hear about it. I’ll have to slap that doubt out of their little heads.
Go Flames Go!

Sorry Joel. I know you hate sports and don’t care about hockey, but screw you!

I always eat the red ones last

Huge change is happening in the world of Dane. I’m sure everyone will feel the effect since I am the centre of the universe. Be prepared.
I’ve secretly (ninja-like) been applying for jobs. In the past two weeks, I’ve actually gotten a few call backs and interviews. It’s great.
Being the sports editor is a fun job, but the hours are as terrible as the pay and it really drains a person. Living from paycheck to paycheck isn’t the way to go. I don’t recommend it at all.
I also gave my notice at my apartment, so this is my last month in North Battleford.
I’ll be glad to leave. It’s been fun, but it’s time to move on.
Change is a good thing. I can’t wait.

I’m about to go home and watch five hours of hockey. I’m hoping for the Alberta teams. One of the two better win or else. Don’t piss me off Alberta; I've been working out.