Those fuzzy creatures need to die!

The annual Canadian seal hunt is on. I wish I was there. My club would be in hand and I would soundly beat the crap out of a cute, little, innocent baby seal.
I’d crack the skull of a bunch of adorable whisker-faced creatures that have no chance of fighting back.
The blood splatter from the silky soft furry creature would spray all over my jacket. I’d wipe the crimson fluid off with by big mittens and lick them clean.
The copper tasting seal blood would be better than a bag full of dutch candy.
It’ll be great to see the icy tundra turn a bright red with every death.
This year’s quota is 319,500 dead seals. I hope to bag 100 myself.
Did I ever mention that I wanted to be a barbarian? Did I ever tell you I love killing defenseless creatures with clubs?
Well, what else is there to do? People like me can’t get regular jobs that don’t involve the slaughter of seals. We’re just too damn stupid. All we know how to do is swing clubs, shoot guns, throw spears, drink beer and screw our sisters.
What are we going to do with all the messy carcasses? Who the hell knows. I’m going to make a lot of pairs of underwear. They’ll be so soft.
I don’t know what all those animal rights activists are so upset about. Is it because the seals suffer brutally painful deaths, when the club, spear or bullet doesn’t instantly kill them?
Don’t think those seals don’t deserve to die.
They’re horrible. They wait along the coastline waiting for little kids to get too close to the water and then pounce.
They rip the heads off our babies. Just like the sharks. I actually have no stats or proof to back this up, but it must be true.
I heard it from a drunk guy in a bar, who heard it from a burnout, who thought he saw a documentary about it on the cartoon network while he was tripping out on acid.
That’s all I need to know that it’s true.
At first I was 100 per cent against the whole expedition, but now I have to do it for my future kids.
I’m not going to let them become the meal of some blood-thirsty, cuddly seal that has the cutest little black eyes.
No way. I’m going to wear my soccer cleats. When my club breaks in half after killing a dozen seals, I going to stomp on them with my shoes.
I’ll try to make sure I don’t wreak the pelt. Who wants holes in their undergarments?
They’re all going to die. I want to kill, maim and cripple those little bastards.
It’s not like Canada is a peaceful country. We are all about the killing and war. We don’t just smoke a joint, say screw it and chug a beer. No we like death and destruction.
It’s what we are all about.