There Will Be Acting

You know, it's part of our civic duty to go and watch some of the Best Picture nominees every year. Because although the Academy Awards are typically a big bloated pile of pig manure, at least they aren't the freaking Grammys. Or the Junos for that matter. Celine Dion getting more nominations than Feist? Three cheers for irrelevancy, folks! The music industry is like a grotesquely obese man wearing a belly shirt, really. His shame is out there for everyone to see, but he doesn't care! You'll see his gut and like it. After all, why should he change? It's not like people are going to look at something else! Oh, wait... they are. Sucks to be you, big boy!

That probably would have been more inspiring if I said it three years ago.

Anyways, seeing as most of you are probably making your Oscar choice Juno or No Country for Old Men, I figured I'd go see There Will Be Blood last night. I wanted to make it a double feature, but There Will Be Blood is a little over 2 and a half hours long, so nix that to that idea. I can imagine some of you are saying no to the movie based on the length, so all I gotta say is: Suck it up, buttercup! If you can make it through the Lord of the Rings epilogue where nothing happens but hobbits saying their teary goodbyes to each other, then you can damn well handle this.

Short summary: Daniel Day-Lewis plays Daniel Plainview, an oilman who accidentally kills Santa Claus. The oilman is surprised to find out that he needs to replace Santa Claus due to some buried clause in some contract... somewhere. On his way he discovers the true meaning of Christmas and that since he's a false idol that draws attention away from the Holy Birth he is blasphemous and must be destroyed. He goes on the run with the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Little Drummer Boy on an epic journey into the depths of the human soul.

Or not.

So what did I think? Well, that's surprisingly not relevant. I've often found that people regularly ignore my opinions on movies, music... pretty much anything. They're glad to hear it, and may find it amusing from time to time, but they rarely listen to what I have to say. And you know, at this point in my life I really don't mind. That is, until they come back to me and say they finally checked out the movie I recommended... based on somebody else's recommendation. I mean, come on!

What I'd like to do today is point out that this movie is primarily a character-driven piece. Many of you might have figured this out already based on all the praise Daniel Day-Lewis has been getting while the rest of the movie is barely mentioned. Pity poor Paul Dano. The film pulses with each beat of Daniel Plainview's blackened heart, and this ultimately leads to how much you're going to get out of the whole thing. There's a plot here, folks, but it's not going to sustain you if that's what you're looking for. If you think you'll find Daniel Plainview compelling, then the film will be compelling.

Just be prepared, because when There Will Be Blood comes out on video, there's going to be a TON of people squawking on about how bad it is. I guarantee this. Heck, they're already doing it now. Go visit the forum on the movie's page on the IMDB.

And finally... I drink your milkshake! I DRINK IT UP!!!

Damn right, it's better than yours!
A joke too far