Joel isn't who he says he is...

After a little investigation, my story about Joel being an underwear model (see the Story Joel didn't want told) is not completely accurate.

Joel did head to Brazil. He was a underwear model, and his life did turn to a pixie-stick hell. But, Joel never came back to Canada.

The Joel you see power tripping on minors trying to buy cigarettes is Jose Alfanzo, a Brazilian secret agent. He's the equivalent to James Bond or G.I. Joe.

It was July 2001. Jose found himself undercover in the world’s largest drug cartel.

Six years of his life he spent playing the roll of the criminal.

He killed, snorted drugs, stole and beat up prostitutes to gain credibility as a crook.

It was finally paying off. His opportunity was upon him.

Escobar Martinez, the head honcho, was over-seeing the biggest drug smuggling endeavour the States would ever experience.

Jose made his first contact with his boss in the last five years. He told them about the billion dollar operation.

It all went down a month later in a shootout fit for a Terantino flick.

Jose managed to escape the gun fire with only a few scratches.

His reward for bringing down the empire was a life of luxury. A life in a distant land where he’d be treated like a king.

He was sent to Rocky Mountain House, Alberta, Canada. His new job didn’t have the flash as secret service agent, but being a clerk at Rolf’s was exactly what he wanted.

Now Joel/Jose is in the witness protection program. You can tell Joel is really Jose because of his tanned skin and Brazilian accent.

He fooled me over the summer. I should have known better. Damn I'm dumb.

He still has the Pele tattoo. It’s for his son he left behind in Rio.

Where’s the real Joel? I’ll have to make that story up some other time.