Membership revoked

I awoke with a start. Dirty water was dripping down my face.
I lying in the gutter and was just splashed by a passing 1994 Nissan Sentra. It was red.
The cold water sent a shiver down my spine as I peeled myself off the side of the road.
I sat on the curb and let my head collect some thoughts.
I couldn’t believe that just happened. Why? What happened.


I stepped into the library earlier that day. Everything was going fine. Work was over, and I was about to renew my book so I could go home and read. I was on page 475 of 712, and it was getting really interesting.
I looked through the shelves for ideas about what to read next. I thought Steve Martin’s In the Pleasure of my Company might be good.
Anyway I went to the counter and produced my library card.
“I’d like to renew this please,” I said with the nicest, happiest tone of voice I could muster.
“Kay,” said the 67-year-old librarian with a white and yellow plaid shirt. The kind old people are wearing these days.
I noticed her curly grey hair was thinning. It creeped me out.
She scanned the bar code.
BEEP went the computer.
“Sorry, you can’t renew this book. It’s on hold.”
I stared at her in disbelief. It must be some kind of joke.
“It’s on hold, you can’t take it out again. I can put a hold on it for you so you’re next to get it.”
I was still shocked. I couldn’t think of anything to say. My brain was still computing the information she just overloaded my neurons with.
As her words slowly sunk in, my core temperature started to rise as my blood began to boil.
I could already tell my evil rage demon was about to take control of my body.
My arms shot forward and grabbed the little old lady by the yellow-and-white plaid collar.
I shook her violently. Her had snapped back and forth. Her eyes rolled around in their sockets.
I started feeling better.
“Are you sure that book is on hold, bitch?” I asked her in a mean voice.
She couldn’t talk. She was choking on her tongue.
Then someone grabbed me from behind. It was the library assistant.
Now, I always thought of library assistants as little sissy girls, but this was no sissy.
He was six foot of solid muscle mass. I’d guess he drinks three protein energy shakes a day.
He lifted me over his head and slammed my extremely good-looking body into the carpeted floor.
All I could think about was my pretty face. How could I ever make it to TSN with a ugly face. It just doesn’t happen.
When his boot came down on the back of my head. Everything went black.

I looked in my wallet. There was only an empty spot where my library card once was.