In the name of science

Welfare is supposed to be for those who can’t afford to take care of themselves. It’s for the needy, the disabled or those deemed worthy.

It makes me wonder why, the sale of crack would increase around the same time as the welfare checks are being distributed.

A fellow reporter with the crime beat told me that police notice there is a significant increase in drug activity during the week following the distribution of welfare checks.

The only real conclusion I can wrap my head around is that drug addicts are signing up to welfare for free money.

Hmmmmm. Interesting. I’m giving up a chunk of my check to support crack addicts.

Who’s in charge of the screening process? I think they should have a regular drug test every so often. If you want a check piss in the cup.

I took some time and thought about where my money was going.

At first I was furious. I was absolutely pissed off, but now I’m okay with it.

The world needs drug abusers. Without them Earth would be a better place.

There’d be less crime. Less death from overdoses and drug-induced rampages. Kids could roam the streets after dark with less care.

Who wants that? That’s a crap idea, so here’s a different one.

I do however feel that welfare just isn’t right. They should have to do something to constantly get fucked up.

I suggest we give jobs. The type I suggest is drug testing.

These people fill their body with crap anyway, so let’s pay them to test new pharmacudical drugs.

If it kills them; oh well, they were going to overdose eventually.

This way, junkies could make a contribution to society by helping cure disease.

We could skip the animal testing process and go right to humans.

The animal rights groups would love this idea, so would big pill corporations and of course the police.

So let’s supply our junkies with crack and let them help the world by being test subjects to cure disease.