You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

Brilliant! You know, this move away from Broken Controller is liberating. No longer am I confined to making the quality posts that my fans expect! Here, the rules are much more relaxed. I can write off-the-cuff! I can make a post about how the mop bucket smells like it's filled with feces and people will love it! You hear that, Dane? I'm here to grab that indignant little persona you've carved for yourself and kick him square in the junk! Now dance for me, bitch! You know, a little soft-shoe or somethin'. I've got some LFO in the car if you need any inspiration. No, you don't need a muse? All right, then. Hey, I'm going to make a sandwich, you want one? Sure thing. No, I'm not going to feed it to you! Well, you're just going to have to work something out then! Okay, fine; stop dancing. Oh, you don't want to, now! Whatever, keep dancing for the rest of your friggin' life then!

FIFTY YEARS LATER

"We are gathered here today to honour a man, who I daresay is one of the finest people I've ever known. His contributions to mankind are simply immeasurable! The list of his achievements is --"

*KAFF KAFF KAFF KAFF KAFF*

"Excuse me! You're interrupting the funeral for one of the greatest people in history! How dare you desecrate the funeral of the one whose initials are JDN? Three letters that helped rewrite the course of history! If the man himself was to witness this, he'd be outraged! Now off with you, or else you'll feel the wrath of John Dennis Nealon's family!"

"Fine, whatever. *grumbles*"

[walks off to the back room of the funeral home]

"Hey man, you're just in time for hobo detail!"
"Grand. Fuckin' priest..."
"Hey, just never mind that now. Whoof, now there's a stinky bugger! You hear the story of this guy?"
"Nah, I sure didn't."
"Well, it seems when they found 'im, there was a weeping hobo dancing beside 'im. No matter how hard they tried they couldn't get the fucker to stop dancing. So they shot his legs off. Yeah, he's off getting electroshock now... oh well! Let's heave this asshole into the fire!"
"Want to say a few words?"
"Hey, this one have a name? Let me see... ah yes, Joel. Joel was some dude we found in a back alley. Let God take him into His arms, and let's hope there's a gutter in heaven for Joel to hang out in. Let's get this over with, we got ten more to go through before we can take a break."
"Word."