My name is Dane and I have serious problem

I hope everyone learns from my severe pixie stick addiction. It was rough. I was always looking for my next fix. I had seven-year-olds buying me the devil's sugar powder from 7-11 once I was banned.

It got so bad once. I whored out my comic book collection. I let a greasy fingered kid read my Spiderman number 1 by Todd MacFarlane. It was a low point in my life and I've had quite a few low spots.

If it wasn't for some good friends who planned an intervention for me, I'd still be running around the Battlefords with blood-shot eyes and insulin coursing through my viens trying to equalize my sugar levels.

The intervention was hell. It took 37 ninjas to hold me in place. Pixie sticks are a lot like PCP. They both start with P. It was another ten minutes of intervention before I gave in. I'd had enough. I didn't want to be a pathetic junky anymore. I didn't want to grovel at the feet of the all-powerful, supreme-being convenience store clerk.

I've been clean three days, seven hours, 36 minutes and I'm still counting. I'm going cold turkey. I know some people tell you to ease yourself off pixie sticks with ju-jubes, but I think that's just a whole other problem.

I regularly attend the meetings. I'm the only one that stooped as low as the evil pixie. There are a couple heroin addicts and a few who crave the meth, but I'm the only one shovelling the dust of pixies through my digestive system.

I wish everyone to help me through this horrible time in my life. I'd like a couple hugs here and there as well as a few nice smiles. With your help, I am sure I can change my life around.

Thanks for listening,
Dane