With the compression of his finger and thumb, he could have squished my head clean off.

The judge sits high on his perch, gavel in hand. His bloodshot eyes peer down upon me. My hands are bound in cuffs at crotch level. I give myself a quick scratch before he hands down his sentence. The room must have increased in temperature by 20 degrees. Sweat drips down in between my ass cheeks and collects in my boxerbriefs. Everyone is waiting for the judgment, especially me.

With his comments, my life changes. Will I feel his wrath or will I leave a man with a free mind? The hulking judge slowly opens his mouth, saliva threads tear apart as his lips separate. Here it comes. The words vibrate along his vocal cords and the sound waves reach my ears.

“Very good,” says the judge. “You’ve met or exceeded all expectations.”

(I love my thesaurus. Another word for vibration is vibration. Stupid Webster’s English thesaurus.)

I let out a sigh of relief. My body begins to fill with pleasantness. I feel like Joel does when Rolf gives him a gold star for his excellent work ethic. I feel as good as a kid does when they are rewarded for wiping their own ass. I feel good.

Today was my midway evaluation. I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. I’ve been going through the motions, but there’s been nothing to really challenge me. No tests. Everything is small and fairly easy. I haven’t had to deal with any serious, controversial topics. But really, are there many in a small town? If there are, another one of the reporters is on top of the story.

I’ll get a good review, which hopefully means a good evaluation, which lands me a good job, which means a happy life. I’d really like a happy life. I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing to keep me happy, but I’ll found out soon enough.