It finally happened...

My final class of the semester landed on Thursday, June 21. It was the 15th class of the course and for one student it was very special.

My classmate was a want-to-be keener. He shouted out the answer to every question the prof asked. Unfortunately, he didn't get a correct answer throughout the entire two months.

"What's the first thing you do when solving an simple annuity?"
"Untie your shoes."
"How do you find the balance owing on a mortgage after 23 payments?"
"Gargle some water."

I sat in my desk in pain. Was he really this stupid? Were we actually in the same class? I felt bad for the teacher. The teacher must have been frustrated. The lone do-gooder in the class was probably partially retarded.

Midway through the last class, he blasted out, yet another, incorrect response. It was then I vowed to put him out of his misery. I'd walk over and use a jedi mind trick. I'd levitate him out of his desk and butterfly kick him in the chops. Hopefully, he'd be unable to talk for some time.

The teacher asked one more question. I started to get out of my desk. I could see the moron's mouth open, about to answer.

Holy crap! He got one right. I froze. Standing up in front of the class, I couldn't do a damn thing. The shock had left me immobile.

The teacher told me to take a seat.

I didn't like his tone, so he got a butterfly kick to the chops. BUUUUyhaaaaaa.

Too bad I'm such a sissy. I broke my foot on his face. I could tell everyone he was a robot from the future trying to teach advanced accounting practices to continuing education students throughout Calgary. I might have said he was a lava monster from Marinas Trench, but both of these are lies. I'm just a sissy.


I'm stumped

After months of calculations, intensive computer simulations and a consultation with a voodoo, pig slayer, my mind is still at unrest.

Who the hell would win in a fight? Golem, the little blue kid from the Grudge or Ashley Hall?

Who is Ashley Hall you ask? Let's just say I wouldn't want to bump into him on a sandy beach, especially if he had a stick. Doesn't matter what size or type of wood.

The blue kid is creepy. Golem is savage. Ashley is just Ashley. Nuff said.

I'll call it a draw and move on to the next question: If Hillary Clinton manages to become president, how long will it take for her to fool around with an intern to exact revenge on Bill?