4.29.2006

Jheri Curls

I am so smart!
I am so smart!

4.0 GPA!

I am so smart!

4.22.2006

Coffee Is Evil

YES IT IS

Stupid coffee at McDonalds. I bet when Dane worked there he made it even hotter. And threw it on stray cats while the managers Ed and Grant touched themselves and did Gregorian chants.

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

STUPID

kthnxbye

4.19.2006

Where's the confetti?

It’s that time of year again. The greatest time of year ever. It’s flip flop season. Confetti should be pouring down from sky right now, and Joel should be doing the worm. Go Joel! Go Joel! Yeah Joel!
Anyway, the temperature in the Battlefords has reached the 15 C mark. I no longer have to wear socks or shoes.
I don’t have to go through the rigorous struggle or undoing knots and tying up my laces. I just have to glide my feet into my sweet, sweet flip flops.

To go along with the hot weather, the tennis racket and golf clubs are back in use. All four patios in North Battleford better watch out I’ll be making a few visits this weekend.

Hockey playoffs are just about to start. Teams I hope are in final: Calgary and Ottawa. Teams I think actually will be in the final: Dallas and New Jersey. Teams that I think will surprise everyone and be in the final: Nashville and Buffalo.

The movie Hostel isn’t the scariest movie of the year like the trailer proclaims. It’s not scary at all. It gory. Really, really gory. I was not impressed. Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart is a lot better than I would have thought. Funny stuff.

4.18.2006

Tonight, I think everyone should eat Sloppy Joes

Last week, I just wanted to grab him by the collar and shake until his huge-framed, 1980s glasses fell from his face.
This week, I wanted hug him until his huge-framed, 1980s glasses fell from his face.
On April 10, 2006, I made an appointment to get my taxes done. I hate tax season. It sucks.
I have no idea why I made the appointment. I ended up waiting for 20 minutes while the guy I opened the door for, who didn’t have an appointment, had his taxes done.
At least the receptionist was cute and very pleasant. I wanted to talk to her.
First, I used my shy guy routine and batted the eyelashes at her.
It didn’t work. Hmmm, I thought to myself. I’m going to have to try something new.
So, I pulled out my clicker. You know the lid to a Sun-Rype apple juice bottle. It makes a nice annoying noise. She’d have to politely ask me to stop or something. The conversation could carry on from there.
Click, Click, Click. Two whole minutes of clicking.
Still nothing. Then it hit me. I’m cursed by being really, really good looking. She was obviously intimidated and didn’t feel we were equals.
Ladies, I’m a normal person that’s just much better looking. I still have thoughts and stuff. Back me up Joel. I know you have the same problem at the College.
Then he came out of his office and called out my name. It was my time. It was just my time.
I carried my papers in with me. I was prepared. I even brought last year’s return. I had receipts, a mileage report, T4 and a bunch of other stuff.
We sat down and he looked over my information. I was pleased with everything I’d done.
He wasn’t. I forgot something and blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, I’m getting tired of this little tale, so I’m going to end it abruptly.
I’m getting twice the return I was expecting. Dave and I are now best friends. I want a pair of glasses like his.

Note: I do not consider myself bless with super good looks. I feel I’m okay to look at, but not for too long.

4.17.2006

New Opinion

Well, given the new information that's come my way, I will change Dane's status from Dick to Boogerhead. I do this instead of condemning myself, merely because I was taking a nap when he phoned and Dane could have taken the time to leave a message. What a boogerhead.

Joel is right.

Joel's always right.

I just wish he'd pick up the phone once in a while. Well, at least when I call him. I don't know if he has caller ID, but if he does he would have noticed a strange number. It came from the pay phone kitty-corner to that of the CIBC. The caller on the other end was I.

I'm guessing the reason I'm a dick is because I didn't call again. For that, Joel is right.

I'm a horrible person. It's just so hard to make everyone happy with all my charity work and crime fighting all while maintaining two alter egos.

It's no excuse. I deserve a huge purple nurple.

Happy Easter Joel

Dane's a Dick!

'Nuff said.

4.07.2006

The Theme Song IS Apt

Overheard on my way back into my building:

Guy: Well, how about him? *points at Joel* What would you give him out of ten?
Girl: *with poison and malice and words tinged with bile and vitriol* HIM? Are you fucking KIDDING me?

...

...


ow

4.05.2006

Destiny of Triumph

So once
There was a blog
And Joel made it
And Dane posted
And the gods sang on high
"Oh how we love them!"
"We wish that we were them!"
But then
The shirt was lost
Then we were lost
A generation
No more
The hope is gone
And on and on and on
We were no longer empowered
And men no longer showered
Oh what horrible times are these?
Where Justin Timberlake eats your cheese?
The horror
The horror
Lollipop, my lollipop
Fell under the fridge
Now I cannot eat
But I guess
I can give it
To Dane
splash

4.04.2006

Fan Service

Because Cindy insisted, I present to you:

Shirtless Joel

4.03.2006

Wuxtry!

Breaking Headlines! Dane's future self found wandering shirtless in the jungles of Nicaragua! When asked if he was going to ever make another post to his blog, Dane replied that until the United Nations capitulates to his demands in obtaining a shirt, he will never touch a keyboard again. Really, any old shirt will do. If you have an old "I Brake For Fat Chicks" tee in your closet, he'll take it. The world demands shirts for Dane! But no shirts for oil!!!